View From the Phlipside Radio - Talk Show Caller 101

My name is Jay Phillippi and I've spent my life in and around the media.  TV, radio, the movies and more.  I love them, and I hate them and I always have an opinion.  Call this the View from the Phlipside.

OK something a little different this week.  Call it Talk Show Caller 101, a Phlipside guide to being part of the media.  I was a talk show host here in Jamestown for about a year and there are certain things that just make talk show hosts crazy.  First remember that after commercials, the news and various other obligatory stuff the talk show host really only has a maximum of about 40 minutes of program time in each hour.  Given that most talk show hosts like to hear themselves talk they need a fair portion of that time to show you how smart they are.  This means they need their callers to be good.  So here’s how to do your part.

Rule number 1 - don’t ask the host how they are doing.  This is NOT a social interaction.  This especially annoying if you are the sixth caller in a row to enquire.  This just a waste of time.  The host showed up for work and is talking.  They’re fine.  Move on.

Rule number 2 - don’t say what a big fan of the show you are.  While talk show hosts have ENORMOUS egos they know that people who hate their show DON’T CALL.  If you are calling you probably like the show at least a little.  Another time waster.  The only exception to this is “Long time listener, first time caller line”.  You can use this exactly once.

Rule number three - introducing yourself “Hi this is Jay from Jamestown”.  If the host introduces all his callers “Next up is Bob from Bemus Point” then the host has a screen with all this info on it.  By repeating his intro you sound idiotic and waste time (seeing the pattern here).  If the host DOESN’T do intros then it’s OK, but don’t linger over it.

Finally we have the most important rule, Rule number 4 - pick a single topic or subject before you get on the air.  There is nothing more annoying than a caller who gets on and rambles for a minute or so then just when the host is going to say “Gotta move on, thanks for the call” the caller says “But what I really called about is...”.  When I was a talk show host I wanted to reach through the phone and strangle the person who said this.  Why are you wasting my limited air time with stuff that isn’t what you really wanted to talk about?

Follow these simple rules and you will become the darling of your favorite talk show.  When your name comes up they will always make sure to get you on the air because you will be talk show gold.

And I won’t have to listen to any more awful talk show callers.

Call that the View From the Phlipside