Reflection - On the sabbatical

My time of sabbatical is rapidly coming to an end.  It officially ends tomorrow but I won't be back till Sunday.  Back in the office on Monday.

So what did I get out of all of this?

Time to truly re-charge my "batteries".  I'm feeling better at this time of year than I have in years.  That should bode well for camp programs this summer and for the start of the next program year.  For the diocese it means having the Youth Missioner really ready to get out and do all the things that need to be done.

Time for deeper study and attention to my life in faith.  I've really spent a LOT of time thinking about prayer and my life in faith.  On that journey I've come to a clearer understanding of what it means to be an Episcopalian and why being an Episcopalian is right for me.  After 60 short days I'm not emerging as the perfected person of faith.  I do now have a clearer understanding of what I want to do, what I believe I am gifted to do and the direction I need to be traveling.  That's a pretty cool feeling all by itself.

Time for deeper thoughts about who I am.  You'd think by the time you'd racked up as many years as I have you'd have a pretty good idea of the answer to this one.  When I was younger I certainly assumed that old guys like me had it nailed down.  Maybe other folks do but I don't.  I still don't but the view is clearer now.  I know I'm not ready to start "winding down" which is what it seemed like people started doing when they  hit 50.  There's still lots I want to achieve, want to try. 

I know I still enjoy youth ministry.  There may still be other things waiting for me out there but I will always have time for our young people.  And an ear.  And a heart.

When I applied for this job I took a risk.  Not on the job, I was unemployed.  I was up for anything that came with a halfway decent paycheck and health insurance.  The risk I took was being myself when it might have been safer to conform to expectations.  I need to remember that and not shrink from those moments.  There are times when folks would really prefer something nice and safe and unchallenging.  Somehow I don't think that's what I'm on this earth to do.  We need to be able to speak the truth to one another.  I need to be able to speak the truth in love and without fear.  Folks won't always like it but I need to tell it without judgment or agenda.

I've discovered that I'm mostly happy with who I am.  I'm mostly happy with the life I lead.  The parts I'm not happy with can still be changed or at least the edges dulled enough to bear without great pain.  That's to be an ongoing project I think.  Other folks can do things that have an impact.  In the end my life is mine.  If I live it honestly and openly caring for the people I love the rest is unimportant.

Peace