My name is Jay Phillippi and I've spent my life in and around the media. TV, Radio, the Movies and more. I love them and I hate them and I always have an opinion. Call this the View From the Phlipside.
If there is one thing that the world wide web seems to be really, REALLY good at doing it’s coming up with products and/or services that don’t seem to have any reason for existing. Most recently we saw Google launch then kill the service called Wave. Wave was designed to create some kind of super sharing work space where you could bring together all kinds communications in the same place for some glorious cause. The problem became that most of us couldn’t find a reason to use it. So Google pulled the plug.
For me the latest in the “So What Do I Do With This?” derby has to be Facebook’s e-mail service that isn’t an e-mail service. Yes, you get a Facebook e-mail account but it’s not really e-mail Mark Zuckerberg assures us. It’s MORE. I’ll grant him that but I’m still trying to figure out - more what?
Once again the idea is to bring all kinds of things all together in one nice big pile. You’ll get your Facebook messages, e-mails, texts and chat sessions all in one place. Plus you’ll get histories of all your conversations stored by person so now you can track everything you’ve ever said. And the system will give priority to your Facebook friends (and their friends) and consign everyone else to a separate file.
The idea is that this will make your life simpler bycreating a single messaging system. What I see as I look at this is anything but. My email is clogged enough with various items, newsletters and other stuff I need to keep an eye on as it is. I don’t want my Facebook messages mixed in with the important stuff . I am sure it will shock Mr. Zuckerberg to discover I place a significantly lower importance to Facebook in my life. I don’t want my texts in here at all since they are almost always time sensitive, I get them, I respond and I never want to look at most of them again. Instead they will now be even more dead wood to be cleared away.
Oh and the Facebook e-mail function won’t have all the functions of a REAL e-mail service so it’s not even going to eliminate accounts for me.
So here we go once again. A fabulous new service for which there really doesn’t appear to be any need. As if my life isn’t complicated enough already.
Call that the View From the Phlipside.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
View From the Phlipside - Toyota Tundra ads
My name is Jay Phillippi and I've spent my life in and around the media. TV, Radio, the Movies and more. I love them and I hate them and I always have an opinion. Call this the View From the Phlipside.
Given the number of times that I’ve taken an ad campaign to task on this program it would probably only be fair for me to hand out the occasional pat on the back for ads that I think go above and beyond as well. Let me note that I’m not endorsing any product or service here, I’m just saying the ad campaign does a really nice job.
In this day of computer graphics and special effects I tend to just yawn when I see something spectacular on an TV commercial. I just assume it’s not real and that takes a fair amount of the “thrill” away for me. Starting a couple years ago I began to notice one campaign that was very careful to note that these were “Actual Demonstration”s. The first couple times I saw it my reaction was “Really?”. But after three years at
least I need to give the nod to the folks on the Toyota Tundra ad campaign. Tundra is Toyota’s big pick up truck and that market is a tough one. Virtually all of the makers spend their advertising money trying to prove to us how tough they are. Toyota has taken it one step further.
Remember the truck running up the teeter totter with a ten thousand pound load behind it? Accelerating to 60 miles an hour through a closing steel door then slamming on the brakes before it plunged off the end of the ramp into the canyon? How about racing between two swinging arms? Every one of was an actual demonstration, not CGI magic. Over the weekend I caught the newest one, which involved pulling a heavy load up a spiral ramp surrounded by flames. This apparently was the Toyota Super Bowl spot this year but I honestly don’t remember seeing it. I have no use for a heavy duty pick up truck but I can’t take my eyes off of these commercials. What they are doing is really impressive and really dangerous. I’m sure they have all the safety precautions in place and have done all the figuring before hand but even so. The spots are the work of ad giant Saatchi and Saatchi.
These spots have real “Wow” factor and they do it without cheating. They make you watch spots for a product that you’ll probably never actually buy. And the memory of the spots stick with you. That’s some great advertising. We don’t see nearly enough commercials this good.
Call that the View From the Phlipside.
Given the number of times that I’ve taken an ad campaign to task on this program it would probably only be fair for me to hand out the occasional pat on the back for ads that I think go above and beyond as well. Let me note that I’m not endorsing any product or service here, I’m just saying the ad campaign does a really nice job.
In this day of computer graphics and special effects I tend to just yawn when I see something spectacular on an TV commercial. I just assume it’s not real and that takes a fair amount of the “thrill” away for me. Starting a couple years ago I began to notice one campaign that was very careful to note that these were “Actual Demonstration”s. The first couple times I saw it my reaction was “Really?”. But after three years at
Remember the truck running up the teeter totter with a ten thousand pound load behind it? Accelerating to 60 miles an hour through a closing steel door then slamming on the brakes before it plunged off the end of the ramp into the canyon? How about racing between two swinging arms? Every one of was an actual demonstration, not CGI magic. Over the weekend I caught the newest one, which involved pulling a heavy load up a spiral ramp surrounded by flames. This apparently was the Toyota Super Bowl spot this year but I honestly don’t remember seeing it. I have no use for a heavy duty pick up truck but I can’t take my eyes off of these commercials. What they are doing is really impressive and really dangerous. I’m sure they have all the safety precautions in place and have done all the figuring before hand but even so. The spots are the work of ad giant Saatchi and Saatchi.
These spots have real “Wow” factor and they do it without cheating. They make you watch spots for a product that you’ll probably never actually buy. And the memory of the spots stick with you. That’s some great advertising. We don’t see nearly enough commercials this good.
Call that the View From the Phlipside.
Monday, November 29, 2010
View From the Phlipside - Top Gear U.S.
My name is Jay Phillippi and I've spent my life in and around the media. TV, Radio, the Movies and more. I love them and I hate them and I always have an opinion. Call this the View From the Phlipside.
American TV has a long history of borrowing program ideas from other countries or genres. “All In the Family” is the example of such an adaptation done perfectly. The basic concept of the the British orginal and the American version is virtually identical. What made “All In the Family” a winner was that the characters and situations were made uniquely American. In doing that they created a show that could stand on its own without feeling like a cheap imitation.
So there was both a certain amount of excitement and a certain apprehension when I heard that one of my favorite shows was being brought to the U.S.. “Top Gear” is an amazing international hit that has wracked up awards in both the U.K. and the States. If you’re not familiar with it’s a show about cars that appeals even to people who aren’t really into cars. The reason for its success is simple, the interplay between the three presenters (as they are labeled by our British cousins) - Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May (or as they are referred to by the ladies in my family - the tall one, the cute one and the slow one). They are grown up boys playing with toys and having a great time with it all.
Now there is nothing more American than cars, so a “Top Gear U.S.” would seem an obvious winner. Based on the first episode which aired last week on the History Channel, not so much.
And they fail for the same reason that the original version succeeds. Chemistry among the hosts. Our guys don’t have it. They strike me as frat boys with depth neither of personality or knowledge of cars. I grew up in a car family. I had to learn to change the oil and the tires before I was allowed to drive my father’s cars. I know car guys when I see them. And these three, racing driver Tanner Foust, comedian Adam Ferrara and racing analyst Rutledge Wood, just fall flat. Add in that the U.S. show slavishly imitates every aspect of the original and this one is a dead loss. Even their names are wrong. The ENGLISH guys should be Tanner, Adam and Rutledge, not the Americans.
How bad is it? NBC took a pass on the show. If the worst network in America isn’t interested someone should have taken notice. Call “Top Gear U.S.” a tow truck and take it straight to the junk yard.
Call that the View From the Phlipside.
American TV has a long history of borrowing program ideas from other countries or genres. “All In the Family” is the example of such an adaptation done perfectly. The basic concept of the the British orginal and the American version is virtually identical. What made “All In the Family” a winner was that the characters and situations were made uniquely American. In doing that they created a show that could stand on its own without feeling like a cheap imitation.
So there was both a certain amount of excitement and a certain apprehension when I heard that one of my favorite shows was being brought to the U.S.. “Top Gear” is an amazing international hit that has wracked up awards in both the U.K. and the States. If you’re not familiar with it’s a show about cars that appeals even to people who aren’t really into cars. The reason for its success is simple, the interplay between the three presenters (as they are labeled by our British cousins) - Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May (or as they are referred to by the ladies in my family - the tall one, the cute one and the slow one). They are grown up boys playing with toys and having a great time with it all.Now there is nothing more American than cars, so a “Top Gear U.S.” would seem an obvious winner. Based on the first episode which aired last week on the History Channel, not so much.
And they fail for the same reason that the original version succeeds. Chemistry among the hosts. Our guys don’t have it. They strike me as frat boys with depth neither of personality or knowledge of cars. I grew up in a car family. I had to learn to change the oil and the tires before I was allowed to drive my father’s cars. I know car guys when I see them. And these three, racing driver Tanner Foust, comedian Adam Ferrara and racing analyst Rutledge Wood, just fall flat. Add in that the U.S. show slavishly imitates every aspect of the original and this one is a dead loss. Even their names are wrong. The ENGLISH guys should be Tanner, Adam and Rutledge, not the Americans.
How bad is it? NBC took a pass on the show. If the worst network in America isn’t interested someone should have taken notice. Call “Top Gear U.S.” a tow truck and take it straight to the junk yard.
Call that the View From the Phlipside.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Movie Time!
I've gotten a little behind in chronicling my movie watching so it's time to catch up. I'll keep them short(er) than usual.
August Rush - (2007) This is a lightweight little movie about fighting for what you believe. The plot suffers from fairly large holes but the performances almost balance it out. I'll usually watch anything that Robin Williams is in (even though he burns me as often as not these days. He picks interesting stuff). If you want something that will make you feel good with a big if somewhat unbelievable Hollywood ending then just leave your logical side at the door and enjoy. Some really good music in this. And Keri Russell is worth my time just to look at.
Don Juan de Marco - (1994) I'll pretty much watch anything Johnny Depp is in too. He takes interesting risks as an actor. This is a romance that happens to focus on a young mental patient and his doctor (played by Marlon Brando). I won't give away the ending but if fantasy was more interesting and fulfilling than reality which would you choose? And are you sure you can tell the difference? Often labeled a chick flick I liked it. But then the older character of the doctor and his wife (Faye Dunaway) may be speaking to me.
The Astronaut Farmer - (2006) So if you really could live out your dreams but everyone thought you were crazy would you give up? It may seem like I'm on a theme here but it was total happenstance that I saw these movies within days of one another. Billy Bob Thornton plays a former engineer who always wanted to go into space but family obligations got in the way. Add in the August Rush "follow your dreams" theme and you're there. A fun movie with some flaws but worth the ride. Which sums up the plot as well, LOL!
Quantum of Solace - (2008) Daniel Craig back as 007 and great fun once again. This is drawn from a Fleming short story and is the beginning of the Bond mythos. I had a few small quibbles with the movie but only and few and they were small. Could have used a bit less action/explosion footage but we're probably stuck with it as the next generation of movie fans have been taught that it's actually entertaining. It's not, it's tedious and repetitive but there you are. I'm actually kind of looking forward to the next Craig Bond movie. One final curmudgeonly comment - the Bond girls used to be a LOT better looking.
The Simpsons Movie - (2007) What is there to say? If you love "The Simpsons" you probably loved the movie. I do and I did. Pretty much exactly what you would expect.
The Trouble with Harry - (1955) What a hoot of a movie. Harry's dead. And that's the trouble, no one is quite sure what to do about him. Alfred Hitchcock directs this comedy (yes, flat out comedy as only Hitch could make it) starring Shirley McClaine(her first picture), John Forsythe, Edmund Gwenn and Jerry Mathers (the Beav!). This is one (and probably the least well known) of the " 5 Lost Hitchcocks" that only came back into public view after 30 years in the wilderness (the others are "Rear Window", "The Man Who Knew Too Much", "Rope" and "Vertigo") Too much fun to pass on, find it and watch it.
Hearts in Atlantis - (2001) A Stephen King story brought to the screen. I really like the performances and I like the story (a young boys life changed by a mysterious man who comes into his life for a short time). Yet somehow the movie just feels like it comes up short. It's a story about being different and being true and living with memories and dreams that get broken by reality. Certainly worth a quiet weekend's viewing. Only "name" is Anthony Hopkins although if your eyes are sharp you may recognize Anton Yelchin as the boy (he played Chekov in the latest Star Trek movie)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 - (2010) In the classic sense this is not a complete movie. It's basically all exposition for Part 2 which arrives in the first half of next year. That seems to really bother some people. Don't count me among them. It was nice to see a little more character growth in the three main characters. The books grew darker and more complex as they went along and so do the movies. Enjoyed this a great deal and am very much waiting for the final installment.
RED - (2010) Take a great cast, give them a fun script and then stand back and let them have a hell of a good time working together. That's the idea of "RED" the story of a group of retired Black Ops CIA operatives (and one clerk from the government retirement fund) who get marked for elimination. Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, Karl Urban, Richard Dreyfuss and Ernest Borgnine (yeah, I thought he was dead too). Come on how could you NOT have fun with this cast? Just way, way, WAAAAAAY too much fun. Don't miss this one.
August Rush - (2007) This is a lightweight little movie about fighting for what you believe. The plot suffers from fairly large holes but the performances almost balance it out. I'll usually watch anything that Robin Williams is in (even though he burns me as often as not these days. He picks interesting stuff). If you want something that will make you feel good with a big if somewhat unbelievable Hollywood ending then just leave your logical side at the door and enjoy. Some really good music in this. And Keri Russell is worth my time just to look at.
Don Juan de Marco - (1994) I'll pretty much watch anything Johnny Depp is in too. He takes interesting risks as an actor. This is a romance that happens to focus on a young mental patient and his doctor (played by Marlon Brando). I won't give away the ending but if fantasy was more interesting and fulfilling than reality which would you choose? And are you sure you can tell the difference? Often labeled a chick flick I liked it. But then the older character of the doctor and his wife (Faye Dunaway) may be speaking to me.
The Astronaut Farmer - (2006) So if you really could live out your dreams but everyone thought you were crazy would you give up? It may seem like I'm on a theme here but it was total happenstance that I saw these movies within days of one another. Billy Bob Thornton plays a former engineer who always wanted to go into space but family obligations got in the way. Add in the August Rush "follow your dreams" theme and you're there. A fun movie with some flaws but worth the ride. Which sums up the plot as well, LOL!
Quantum of Solace - (2008) Daniel Craig back as 007 and great fun once again. This is drawn from a Fleming short story and is the beginning of the Bond mythos. I had a few small quibbles with the movie but only and few and they were small. Could have used a bit less action/explosion footage but we're probably stuck with it as the next generation of movie fans have been taught that it's actually entertaining. It's not, it's tedious and repetitive but there you are. I'm actually kind of looking forward to the next Craig Bond movie. One final curmudgeonly comment - the Bond girls used to be a LOT better looking.
The Simpsons Movie - (2007) What is there to say? If you love "The Simpsons" you probably loved the movie. I do and I did. Pretty much exactly what you would expect.
The Trouble with Harry - (1955) What a hoot of a movie. Harry's dead. And that's the trouble, no one is quite sure what to do about him. Alfred Hitchcock directs this comedy (yes, flat out comedy as only Hitch could make it) starring Shirley McClaine(her first picture), John Forsythe, Edmund Gwenn and Jerry Mathers (the Beav!). This is one (and probably the least well known) of the " 5 Lost Hitchcocks" that only came back into public view after 30 years in the wilderness (the others are "Rear Window", "The Man Who Knew Too Much", "Rope" and "Vertigo") Too much fun to pass on, find it and watch it.
Hearts in Atlantis - (2001) A Stephen King story brought to the screen. I really like the performances and I like the story (a young boys life changed by a mysterious man who comes into his life for a short time). Yet somehow the movie just feels like it comes up short. It's a story about being different and being true and living with memories and dreams that get broken by reality. Certainly worth a quiet weekend's viewing. Only "name" is Anthony Hopkins although if your eyes are sharp you may recognize Anton Yelchin as the boy (he played Chekov in the latest Star Trek movie)
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 1 - (2010) In the classic sense this is not a complete movie. It's basically all exposition for Part 2 which arrives in the first half of next year. That seems to really bother some people. Don't count me among them. It was nice to see a little more character growth in the three main characters. The books grew darker and more complex as they went along and so do the movies. Enjoyed this a great deal and am very much waiting for the final installment.
RED - (2010) Take a great cast, give them a fun script and then stand back and let them have a hell of a good time working together. That's the idea of "RED" the story of a group of retired Black Ops CIA operatives (and one clerk from the government retirement fund) who get marked for elimination. Bruce Willis, John Malkovich, Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, Karl Urban, Richard Dreyfuss and Ernest Borgnine (yeah, I thought he was dead too). Come on how could you NOT have fun with this cast? Just way, way, WAAAAAAY too much fun. Don't miss this one.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Stroke stories - The Virtue I Lack
Patience.
Everyone keeps reminding me. Healing, particularly of a serious problem, takes time. Take the time you need to heal, take it easy, don't push too hard, too soon, too fast. Be patient.
Yeah, well...
Every day is different. One day I feel good, the next day I'm wiped out. Is the overall trend towards getting better? Without a doubt. Is it less than three weeks since the bomb went off in my head? Yep, it'll be three weeks tomorrow.
So where am I? I still have a very light headache every day. Could be the last remnants of the stroke or could be side effect of the drugs. I still take two pills every four hours. That will end tomorrow at 11 PM. Which means I might actually get a full night's sleep tomorrow night. That would be a first since the stroke. Not surprisingly I'm tired to one degree or another all the time. Some days are better than others. On the good days I try to do a little more and the next day I'm wiped out again.
The cumulative effect is that I don't feel like I really want to do much of anything about half the time. The other half is spent trying to do things that won't totally wipe me out. I did four things this past weekend - went to a two hour meeting where I could just sit quietly, went to church where I could just sit quietly, walked the local mall and went to a youth event where I mostly just sat quietly. Woke up this morning feeling like I'd spent the weekend working out.
Sigh.
Patience. Taking things slow. Not expecting too much too soon. My hope now is that I'll be closer to my "usual" self by the new year. That would be about 2.5 months. I have to be honest and say that even that might be optimistic. So now I'm trying to learn patience. A little bit each day.
In the end I have no choice. I can only go as far and as fast as my body allows. The goal is not to get well fast but to get well. Doing it right means taking the time I need.
Patience.
Everyone keeps reminding me. Healing, particularly of a serious problem, takes time. Take the time you need to heal, take it easy, don't push too hard, too soon, too fast. Be patient.
Yeah, well...
Every day is different. One day I feel good, the next day I'm wiped out. Is the overall trend towards getting better? Without a doubt. Is it less than three weeks since the bomb went off in my head? Yep, it'll be three weeks tomorrow.
So where am I? I still have a very light headache every day. Could be the last remnants of the stroke or could be side effect of the drugs. I still take two pills every four hours. That will end tomorrow at 11 PM. Which means I might actually get a full night's sleep tomorrow night. That would be a first since the stroke. Not surprisingly I'm tired to one degree or another all the time. Some days are better than others. On the good days I try to do a little more and the next day I'm wiped out again.
The cumulative effect is that I don't feel like I really want to do much of anything about half the time. The other half is spent trying to do things that won't totally wipe me out. I did four things this past weekend - went to a two hour meeting where I could just sit quietly, went to church where I could just sit quietly, walked the local mall and went to a youth event where I mostly just sat quietly. Woke up this morning feeling like I'd spent the weekend working out.
Sigh.
Patience. Taking things slow. Not expecting too much too soon. My hope now is that I'll be closer to my "usual" self by the new year. That would be about 2.5 months. I have to be honest and say that even that might be optimistic. So now I'm trying to learn patience. A little bit each day.
In the end I have no choice. I can only go as far and as fast as my body allows. The goal is not to get well fast but to get well. Doing it right means taking the time I need.
Patience.
Monday, November 8, 2010
Stroke stories - Fear
I've picked up a new companion on my journey back to health.
Fear.
Not a debilitating, paralyzing kind of fear. Just a nagging irritant that colors everything I do. The good news on my stroke was that there was no obvious physical frailty that led to it. The bad news in that is that I have no idea what "caused" it.
And a tiny little voice from the darkest regions of my mind whispers "Or what might make it happen again".
There's nothing rational in this but then that's the nature of fear, isn't it?
Fear of the undiscovered deficit. Every time I try something new the question lingers - is this what I can't do? So far, so good. And the fear is forced back a little bit each time.
Fear of the simple things. Coughs, sneezes, bending over too far, standing up too quickly, laughing, the list is endless. So far, so good. And the fear is forced back a little more.
Fear of what people might think. The downside of coming through the stroke as well as I have is that I'm not obviously "recovering". I look a little tired but that's it. Inside I know I'm still only about 70-75%. The headaches continue. I know I'm still healing. It might be easier to deal with other folks expectations if I just didn't look quite so damn healthy, lol. And laughter helps push the fear back a little further.
Fear that a full recovery might not mean a "full recovery". Which means what? That I won't be able to return to the activities I enjoyed before at the level I could do them before. My relative youth and good health before the stroke are big plusses for me in this.
In the end I can let the fears control me or I can control them. There is an old American Indian tale about the two wolves that battle inside us all. One is fear and envy and anger. The other is joy, peace, love and hope. The one that wins is the one that gets fed.
I chose not to feed my fears.
Fear.
Not a debilitating, paralyzing kind of fear. Just a nagging irritant that colors everything I do. The good news on my stroke was that there was no obvious physical frailty that led to it. The bad news in that is that I have no idea what "caused" it.
And a tiny little voice from the darkest regions of my mind whispers "Or what might make it happen again".
There's nothing rational in this but then that's the nature of fear, isn't it?
Fear of the undiscovered deficit. Every time I try something new the question lingers - is this what I can't do? So far, so good. And the fear is forced back a little bit each time.
Fear of the simple things. Coughs, sneezes, bending over too far, standing up too quickly, laughing, the list is endless. So far, so good. And the fear is forced back a little more.
Fear of what people might think. The downside of coming through the stroke as well as I have is that I'm not obviously "recovering". I look a little tired but that's it. Inside I know I'm still only about 70-75%. The headaches continue. I know I'm still healing. It might be easier to deal with other folks expectations if I just didn't look quite so damn healthy, lol. And laughter helps push the fear back a little further.
Fear that a full recovery might not mean a "full recovery". Which means what? That I won't be able to return to the activities I enjoyed before at the level I could do them before. My relative youth and good health before the stroke are big plusses for me in this.
In the end I can let the fears control me or I can control them. There is an old American Indian tale about the two wolves that battle inside us all. One is fear and envy and anger. The other is joy, peace, love and hope. The one that wins is the one that gets fed.
I chose not to feed my fears.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Stroke stories - At Home
To be honest I wasn't going to do one on being home.
Mostly because being at home is BORING!
But it part of the process. Trying to find some kind of normal again. Simply trying to find some kind of comfortable position. Sitting, standing and lying down are all uncomfortable for one reason or another.
I think I wanted to avoid it because it's also uncomfortable mentally. I have to go back to where "it" happened. There was a certain fear and trepidation when I first went back into my office at home and sat down in front of the computer. There, in that chair, facing that monitor. And nothing happened. It's a desk in a room with a computer.
In those moments I think a little more of me healed.
Home heals me in other ways. I can catch up with the world a little bit. I came home to a stack of get well cards from family and friends. It was a wonderful gift. I get great support from the comments on Facebook and here on the blog as well. I'm trying not to overdo anything but I've had a couple visitors and talked to a couple folks on the phone. And a little more of me is healed.
I can begin to do things for myself slowly. Make a meal, get up and down to get things for myself. Each day a little more. Today's victory was vacuuming the carpets on the first floor. Another step towards normal, another step towards healing.
It's also a time of humility. Being taken care of at the hospital is one thing. To realize that you can't do certain things yet and will need help at home is different, at least for me. My lady wife has suffered through a great many illnesses over the last almost 30 years. It was my role to care for her in my own fumbling way. I was the healthy one. Now I had to ask her to come and dry my feet after a shower. To help me dry my hair, to dress myself in part because I couldn't lean down far enough to get my pants started. Her great love of me has shown through in the sacrifices she's made over the last 10 days. My ego has had to humble itself to accept those acts of love. They are freely offered gifts. The impact of them has been greater than I expected. I have been blessed with a true partner and soul mate.
So the pills every four hours routine continues. The body feels a little stronger every day. I've been given leave to "take as much time as I need to heal" from my job but part of me is itching to get back at it. The compromise is that I'll work just a couple hours a day, from home, for a week then look at going back full time. It's the compromise position between my feeling that I'm slacking and others feeling that I'm in too big a rush. If it wears me out too quickly I swear here publicly that I will slow down again.
I promise.
Every day I heal a little more.
Mostly because being at home is BORING!
But it part of the process. Trying to find some kind of normal again. Simply trying to find some kind of comfortable position. Sitting, standing and lying down are all uncomfortable for one reason or another.
I think I wanted to avoid it because it's also uncomfortable mentally. I have to go back to where "it" happened. There was a certain fear and trepidation when I first went back into my office at home and sat down in front of the computer. There, in that chair, facing that monitor. And nothing happened. It's a desk in a room with a computer.
In those moments I think a little more of me healed.
Home heals me in other ways. I can catch up with the world a little bit. I came home to a stack of get well cards from family and friends. It was a wonderful gift. I get great support from the comments on Facebook and here on the blog as well. I'm trying not to overdo anything but I've had a couple visitors and talked to a couple folks on the phone. And a little more of me is healed.
I can begin to do things for myself slowly. Make a meal, get up and down to get things for myself. Each day a little more. Today's victory was vacuuming the carpets on the first floor. Another step towards normal, another step towards healing.
It's also a time of humility. Being taken care of at the hospital is one thing. To realize that you can't do certain things yet and will need help at home is different, at least for me. My lady wife has suffered through a great many illnesses over the last almost 30 years. It was my role to care for her in my own fumbling way. I was the healthy one. Now I had to ask her to come and dry my feet after a shower. To help me dry my hair, to dress myself in part because I couldn't lean down far enough to get my pants started. Her great love of me has shown through in the sacrifices she's made over the last 10 days. My ego has had to humble itself to accept those acts of love. They are freely offered gifts. The impact of them has been greater than I expected. I have been blessed with a true partner and soul mate.
So the pills every four hours routine continues. The body feels a little stronger every day. I've been given leave to "take as much time as I need to heal" from my job but part of me is itching to get back at it. The compromise is that I'll work just a couple hours a day, from home, for a week then look at going back full time. It's the compromise position between my feeling that I'm slacking and others feeling that I'm in too big a rush. If it wears me out too quickly I swear here publicly that I will slow down again.
I promise.
Every day I heal a little more.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Stroke stories - in the Hospital
When they saw the bleed in my brain at Westfield they decided to send me to St. Vincent's in Erie which is the closest stroke center. Normally they would put me on a chopper and life flight me. Because of the tornado watch everything was grounded. So I got my first ever ride in the back of ambulance (two!) but missed out on my first helicopter flight. Ah well, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy it anyway.
Donna and Rachel tell me that the ambulance told them NOT to try and follow them. It then promptly took off like a bat out of hell. That's fine with me.
Entry to the Intensive Care Unit at St. Vincent's is a bit of blur. I remember lots of good nurses and folks helping to get as comfortable as they could. It was also the beginning of what became a series of surprises for them.
I was a stroke patient so they were going to put in a catheter.
Oh no they weren't.
Those who know me well will probably not be surprised that even in the middle of a stroke I was not only willing to argue with the staff but that I could convince them to give me a chance to do it my way. My ongoing success with the urinal bottle was something of head shaker for them for the rest of my stay. Apparently most guys have trouble with this process. If anyone's interested I can send any guy facing hospitalization with simple clear instructions. LOL.
The other surprise was my lack of "deficits", all those problems we normally associate with stroke. No weakness, no blackouts, no verbal problems, no memory loss. There's no real explanation for it. Was it a miracle? I can't argue with that. The mortality rate for this kind of stroke is actually pretty high so just the fact that I'm sitting typing this out is a miracle. Divine intervention or "winning the lottery"? Don't know. I'm thankful for whatever grace has come my way.
There was, of course, the constant routine of pills and blood draws including all night long. It's exhausting.
Beyond that my biggest problem was boredom. I felt pretty good (drugs help). In fact I was thinking about going right back to work the following Monday. Today I know how foolish that really was. If I'm lucky I'll be doing some light office work NEXT week. One day at a time.
The best news was from the CT angiogram where they run a catheter up into my head and release dye to take a look at the various blood vessels looking for any other problems. The test takes about 30-45 minutes but you have to lay flat afterwards for 6 hours. And you can't move your right leg much at all. Fun. The good news was that the initial test was all good. Even better was that since the test is basically a complete survey of the blood vessels. I now know that I have no abnormalities, no obvious potential future problems hiding up there. And that there's no greater likelihood that I would have another event like this than there was that I had this one. Statistically insignificant. I can live with that.
What comes next? I'll share my thoughts soon.
Donna and Rachel tell me that the ambulance told them NOT to try and follow them. It then promptly took off like a bat out of hell. That's fine with me.
Entry to the Intensive Care Unit at St. Vincent's is a bit of blur. I remember lots of good nurses and folks helping to get as comfortable as they could. It was also the beginning of what became a series of surprises for them.
I was a stroke patient so they were going to put in a catheter.
Oh no they weren't.
Those who know me well will probably not be surprised that even in the middle of a stroke I was not only willing to argue with the staff but that I could convince them to give me a chance to do it my way. My ongoing success with the urinal bottle was something of head shaker for them for the rest of my stay. Apparently most guys have trouble with this process. If anyone's interested I can send any guy facing hospitalization with simple clear instructions. LOL.
The other surprise was my lack of "deficits", all those problems we normally associate with stroke. No weakness, no blackouts, no verbal problems, no memory loss. There's no real explanation for it. Was it a miracle? I can't argue with that. The mortality rate for this kind of stroke is actually pretty high so just the fact that I'm sitting typing this out is a miracle. Divine intervention or "winning the lottery"? Don't know. I'm thankful for whatever grace has come my way.
There was, of course, the constant routine of pills and blood draws including all night long. It's exhausting.
Beyond that my biggest problem was boredom. I felt pretty good (drugs help). In fact I was thinking about going right back to work the following Monday. Today I know how foolish that really was. If I'm lucky I'll be doing some light office work NEXT week. One day at a time.
The best news was from the CT angiogram where they run a catheter up into my head and release dye to take a look at the various blood vessels looking for any other problems. The test takes about 30-45 minutes but you have to lay flat afterwards for 6 hours. And you can't move your right leg much at all. Fun. The good news was that the initial test was all good. Even better was that since the test is basically a complete survey of the blood vessels. I now know that I have no abnormalities, no obvious potential future problems hiding up there. And that there's no greater likelihood that I would have another event like this than there was that I had this one. Statistically insignificant. I can live with that.
What comes next? I'll share my thoughts soon.
Monday, November 1, 2010
So That's What A Stroke Feels Like
That's been one of my favorite lines over the last couple years. When things would get a little crazy I'd just put my hand to my forehead and say “So this is what a stroke feels like”. Always gets a laugh.
I won't be saying that ever again.
On Tuesday October 26 around 5:40 PM I was sitting at my computer in my home office.
Everything was perfectly normal.
Everything was perfectly normal.
Then someone threw a switch. And it felt like the monster from “Alien” was trying to come out of the middle of my skull. I later found out that a small vein near the center of my brain broke open and blood pumped into my my brain. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced.
At that moment we were actually under a tornado watch and I thought it might be related to a sudden drop in air pressure near the storm. I went down stairs to look around and grab a couple aspirin. Then I lay down. Within minutes it became apparent that something was WRONG. The pain actually got worse. Then the nausea. I grabbed my phones and ran to the bathroom. I called 911, then called my wife and waited slumped over the toilet. That's where they found me, curled up in a ball on the floor.
(Yes, I know I'm pretty deep into TMI territory here. Bear with me)
By the time the ambulance arrived (thank you Mayville Fire Rescue, you are the best!). They got my information, got me on the gurney, left a note for my family and got me rolling to the hospital in Westfield.
By this time I'm terrified in addition to being in great pain. Hell, terrified doesn't even come close. I know a stroke has to be high on the list of answers to the question “What the hell is going on?”. A few years ago my mother died of a stroke. And I don't want to die. And it hurts so much. Just beyond terror is insanity and I got closer than I care to ever be again.
We arrive at the hospital. The lights had been giving me trouble in the ambulance so we had a towel draped across my eyes. They wheeled me in and I heard the ambulance crew tell the ED staff the basics of the case. The next words I remember were some of the best I'd hear that day.
“Jay, it's Dena”
Dena is a long time friend who just happened to be on duty that night. She took my hand and suddenly I had a small stable place to hang on to in the midst of the nightmare. It's what I needed.
(A moment to thank all the folks who helped during this. I was too far gone to remember much of the ambulance crew but I think it was Joyce and Josh riding in back with me. Then Cathy and Dena and Michael Woltz the PA, when I got to St. Vincent's the list of nurses became incredibly long. I know I've forgotten some, especially when I first arrived, but special blessings on Jackie, the two Kims, Patty, Diane, Shauna and Kelly who were with through my time in Intensive Care. Also Drs. Romero (Neuro) and Zeto(internist I think) who were also great)
Things changed once I got to the hospital. And that was good. I still have more to this story I want to share but that comes later.
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