Movie Review - Hudson Hawk

Hudson Hawk (1991) -  Eddie Hawkins, a.k.a. the Hudson Hawk (Bruce Willis), is the greatest cat burglar of all time.  He's just been released at the end of a 10 year stretch and is ready to go straight.  But a couple of lunatic billionaires with dreams ruling the world blackmail him into stealing the pieces of a device created by Leonardo Da Vinci that will turn lead into gold.  If he doesn't cooperate they'll kill his best friend Tommy (Danny Aiello). Along the way Eddie meets and falls for Anna, an historical expert with the Vatican who also happens to be a nun and a secret agent.  The evil Mayflowers (Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard) are in cahoots with a rogue CIA agent (James Coburn) and his henchmen.  Who all have code names of candy bars...

Do I really have to go on?

This is not a good movie.  This isn't even a good bad movie.  It's just dumb.  In fact, my bet is that Willis and the other writers made a bet among themselves to see just how dumb a movie they could get the studio to actually pay to produce.  The script's IQ doesn't make it to room temperature.  The 3 Stooges would be offended by the poor quality rip off of their stuff that keeps popping back up in the movie.  Half the time it seems like Aiello can barely control his own laughter at the utter imbecility of the dialogue.  Nothing makes sense here.  The movie pulled an R rating for language.  There was no reason for the language that was used.  This really comes off as something done while the whole cast (and director) was drunk or as a "stick it to the studio".  The story is that the script was in constant turmoil and being re-written while being filmed (almost always a disaster).  It was the last nail in the coffin for the studio, Tri-Star.  It lost a ton of money on this barf burger.

This movie has one, and only one, redeeming feature.  Hawk  has a memory bank filled with the playing times of a wide variety of hit songs.  He uses them as timing devices for his crimes.  Near the beginning Willis and Aiello are fairly funny robbing an auction house as they sing "Would You Like to Swing On A Star" as the timer.  It's a fun scene which you can find at the link below.  That way you can watch the only part of the movie worth watching.

I mean the two mob guys involved in the blackmail are the Mario Brothers.

Awful.

Rating - * Forget It